Thinking I’m recovered, that I made it through the fire
but I’m lying to myself and to others
I’m still under the wire
I can sit here and blame the history of my mother
but truth be told I hate to fail
Lying to myself is easier
I’ll do anything to exhale
even if for leisure
I’m paralyzed by stability
Without the ability to move, I’m destined to repeat the same actions, expecting different results
Always desperate for some humilty, my ego is my liability
Wishing to be the diamond from my ashes sooner than later
Not really sure if I’m ready to meet my creator
Thinking I’m recovered, that I made it through the fire
But when looking in the mirror, I see that I’m still a liar
Thinking I’m blending in with the crowd, but I’m really just lost and alone
Feeling as though I’m bleeding out, with nowhere to go, nowhere to take cover
I want to be happy, but I’m still grieving with my glass half empty, praying for its refill
adding to the landfill
Sitting in the dark, wishing for the light, wanting to be whole and healed
Trying to go through it to get through it, following the path out of this darkeness to the otherside
The other side with the light
The heat is subsiding, but I’m not yet content, my emotions are still burning
Always ready for the kerosene, never the rainfall
Always the yearning, yearning for more and for what could be
Never willing to concede on one knee
Never desiring the fire’s full decimation
For if it burns out, I burn out, no longer eternal
Fearful of my presumed condemnation
Always prepared to speak my rehearsed fearwell
persistantlyhopeful 