Broken (spoken word)

I am angry at our good memories, mad that we couldn’t make more, mad that you tainted them all-past present and future
I’m angry that you chose her
Bitter that others refer to her as your girlfriend
Mad that I have yet to find your permanent replacement
I hate that I instantly look for your face in crowds no matter the town
Angry that we didn’t…couldn’t work out
I wish that we were meant for one another
I wish that I can honestly say that if we had a redo button, I would turn away before we had the chance to make eye contact, before you said hello, before you made promises that you would never Intend to intend to keep
Before I had hope in US
Before I thought that you were my happily ever after and more
I wish that there wasn’t a soundtrack playing in my head for every interaction that we ever had-6 years of a score of a movie that ended abruptly and based on lies and manipulation-based on everything that “we” stood against-something “we” would never become
Everything fell apart the way it does without a solid foundation
I wish that it could be different, but I know better
I will keep “sincerely” wishing you the best until it is actually sincere
Maybe when your memory fades
When the guilt and anger subside, when I can no longer remember all the damage, or as much of the “good.”
When I no longer picture the two of you in our old settings- our bed, our living room, our kitchen, our pool hall…
When I can forgive you
When I can understand your hurt and loss when we pushed one another away
When I can forgive you
When I can forgive myself
When I can forgive us-for not being in love
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