When I Don’t Get What I Want From You

I have been wanting you for so long, wanting us, always thinking that it would work itself out at its own time when the universe permitted. What I didn’t realize is that when it did, and IT DID; I didn’t realize that I would jump down the rabbit hole, and eat the forbidden fruit that women notoriously eat. I don’t know why I did, I hadn’t seen it coming, and it most certainly was NOT planned. I now have what I have wanted since I met you, we are together, we live together, you chose me, you moved across the country to be with me, and yet I find myself knitpicking, always wanting you to do things that in the grand scheme of things I don’t want you to give in to, acting childish, and a plethora of other stereotypical female traits that I of all people always scorned other women for doing. Although I have never snooped, I have cheated, lied, not respected your things, and generally forgot to keep loving ALLof the things that make you , you. I am ashamed and feel stupid for acting in these ways when I don’t get what I want from you in the moment that I want it. You, like anyone else, have your challenges; and you certainly do not make it easy to love you, but it is easy to love you. I love you. I am in love with you. I love all of the things that you do that piss me off, I love your brain, your heart, your kindness, and your unique love and appreciation for me.

I am 27, and there is no reason for me to act like a 7 year old when I don’t get my way from you. I will use this letter that I will never give to you, to confess and reflect on my actions, regrets, flaws, and to move forward from this moment on. I have to let go of things that I cannot, and should not change. I cannot always get my way, and in reality, I wouldn’t really want to, especially with you.

I think that I look for things to be upset about, in your regard, because for so long we had a tumultuous relationship, and without those ups and downs, I don’t know what to do or to expect; which is highly ironic considering all I ever hoped for is a relationship with you, period, already knowing how good we can be together.

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