I don’t have the energy to finish my thesis, but I have the energy to blog. Blogging has saved my life, quite literally in some contexts. I guess that is a common bloggers’ story. I have lost a lot of people in my life, none of whom I’ve forgotten, and blogging is one of the ways that I can be remembered when I am gone; it is also my outlet for remembering those I’ve lost.
I don’t want to be the person that people were never able to get close to. I DON’T want to be forgotten, at least not easily forgotten or worse…mocked. I want to mean as much to others as I have allowed people to mean to me (not a lot of people, but enough for now). I want to mean something to someone, really mean something. So often, I feel as though I don’t have the energy to put into work, or people, relationships, or all of the above. I am tired. I am 25, and I am tired. People leave. People hurt. People lie….then…. they eventually die or are taken from us. I know that this is a very cynical way of looking at life, it’s not that I haven’t tried, it is that I am losing the energy needed for optimism. But, as I remember a dear friend of mine today, I will embody her faith, spirit, and ultimate optimism. She deserves at least that much.
-A toast to having enough energy to be optimistic-