Guarded

images-3 I am embarrassed to admit that I am on a dating site. I am currently living in a small town; I’m only here to go to grad school and I graduate in December. I have been on the dating site for the past 3 yrs. Prior to this small, boring ass town, I was living in a large city (hard to meet people sometimes). I should also mention that I LOVE LOVE LOVE sex, and refuse to go without it. I don’t just hook up with anyone, especially from the dating site. For the most part I am not disturbingly reckless. I do have several consistent sex partners, most of who do not know about each other, but they all know that I am an open, sexual, and intelligent person. Also, I do not lie to them, we don’t have labels on our “casual dating/sex,” but if they ask/ed I would tell them (I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of in my opinion).

My promiscuity can and has been easily taken as slutty, sinful, and whatever else synonymous with those two adjectives. I have standards, and I haven’t had one night stands since I was 22. However, because I am a woman who is very comfortable with her sexuality and sexual competence, people: women and men, get confused by/about me.

The reason for this post: some guy on the dating site strongly insinuated that I would not be interested in falling in love deeply and sincerely; willing to go out on a life adventure with him;  faithful, loyal, and honest (Bonnie and Clyde ride or die type shit); or someone who is not afraid of being herself and being taken by the drift of love. Most of this assumption is due to how guarded I am in person as well as my virtual self…BUT, I am guarded because guys, similar to him, come along promising all of these wants and needs but are themselves, unable to reciprocate them (It does not go unnoticed, that he is probably full of shit and is dishing out a line to attract someone/aka: me). I am guarded and may come off as a slut because I’ve been hurt. I am guarded because the ball ALWAYS drops, people show their true colors and they don’t like mine. So do I want to fall in love and be that “ryde or die chic?” Absofuckinglutely, but the prospective “One” needs to prove himself. I am not going to just believe someone who claims he wants to give some random woman the moon and more. Hopefully someone does. :/images-1

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