The Classic Broken Heart Rant

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It isn’t fair. I never get attached or fall in love with anyone. But, this one time, this one person, nothing. We broke up months ago; I broke up with him in February. Okay, I take that responsibility. We both agreed that the timing was off and that WE BOTH wanted to be together again in the near future, but for now, would remain friends. He was hurt. I was hurt. We kept communicating, but slowed the frequency of conversations and visits. I gave him space for the past two months, until I missed him so much that I just needed to call him. I called him last night. The first step was taken: he answered…only to “call me back” since he was in someone’s car and would be home shortly. Needless to say, I am still awaiting his call. It is actually over. Three long years, and it is really time for me to throw in the towel; he clearly has. His words are still drifting in the air, “I love you and will always want you to be in my life.” GREAT. If it is just lust or whatever, than why do I hurt so much? There is so much more for me to convince him of. I understand why I had changed so abruptly and started acting like someone else. I understand that I am Bipolar. I am learning how to control the monster that consumes me. I am sorry, but you should be sorry too. Are you protecting yourself? or do you REALLY not care about me anymore? Do I give up, or act needy? I just want to go back, just to September when we were perfect and you acted the way you said you felt. Can we just go back to then? I’m not ready to give up on us, or you. Why can’t I just have you erased from my mind; if I did, would the pain really be lessened?

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