The catalyst for my most genuine smile and happiness

He makes me want to pull out my hair, or scream, but he makes me feel inexplicably loved. I don’t know how to let go of him. He is the only one that ever made sense to me. He doesn’t make sense to anyone else; I don’t make sense to most people, but we make sense to each other. When it is great, it is GREAT, but when it is bad, it is BAD, and right now it sucks. Is it “romantic comedies” that is convincing me that all of this pain, heartache, and work is suppose to amount to him and I living happily ever after? Or is it the fact that I can’t imagine myself/allow myself to ever connect with someone the way I connect with him out of fear that I could? How can the catalyst for my most genuine smile and happiness be the same source for my tears and pain?

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